10 Ways to Create a Strong, Intimate Relationship
I eventually matured and discovered the secret to finding actual happiness: letting go of the absurd metaphor of romantic love. Yes, I was unhappy to learn that the myth of the knight riding into the night to save the damsel in distress is false. A shame, really. But consider it from the following perspective: Everybody saw Titanic and Romeo and Juliet. Since the love is unrequited, this is why tales like these make our hearts sing. The idea of romance is fueled by unavailability.
Only when the lover is not present can a romantic story like this succeed. Sometimes, for their love to be acceptable in this romantic vision, they must pass away in the end. Alternatively, we munch on buckets of popcorn while waiting to see if they truly do live happily ever after, and we rarely do.
1. Expand Your Heart
We all desire happiness, which is something that connects us. The desire to be lovingly close to someone is typically part of this delight. Real closeness can only be created by connecting with the roominess of your heart and bringing awareness to your wonderful qualities. When you are linked to the positive aspects of yourself, it is simpler to see the positive aspects in your partner.
2. Focus On Giving Love
Real pleasure is more about how well we have loved ourselves and others than it is about feeling good about ourselves because other people like us. If we love others more deeply, we will unintentionally experience greater love in return.
3. Let Go Of Expectations
When you feel empty inside, you might turn to things like romance and ongoing closeness. As a result, discomfort will soon result. You will invest your sense of security in someone else if you unconsciously expect specific types of affection in order to avoid giving it to yourself. In order to give yourself the love, care, and nurturing you require, you must first access your own inner resources. Instead of setting standards for what love should be like, you can then allow it to come to you.
4. Embrace Ordinariness
We learn about ordinariness after the fairy-dust beginning of a relationship has passed, and we frequently take every precaution to avoid it. The difficulty is realizing that everyday life can be the true “juice” of connection. The daily sweetness of living with a partner may and often does turn into something exceptional.
5. Own Who You Are
Romantic love is typically something we clutch for because we long for something that is beyond of our reach, something in another person that we don’t believe we have in ourselves. Unfortunately, when we do find love, we find that it’s not what we were hoping for. Only by first loving oneself can true love exist. Only what you are ready to offer of yourself can you receive from another person.
6. Look Closely At Why A Fight May Begin
By fighting and then reconciling often, some couples intentionally cultivate their separation. Creating drama and avoiding genuine connection, you are able to maintain the romantic trance in this way. It will be easier for you to understand why you’re arguing and you’ll probably fight less if you become conscious of the things you dread about closeness.
7. Get Comfortable Being Alone
Learn to spend time by yourself in order to recognize that love cannot save you from being alone. You’ll feel more entire, whole, and joyful when you feel safe and secure enough to be by yourself within a partnership.
8. Be Willing To Learn From Each Other
The trick is to use the other as a mirror to discover how you may improve as a person. Instead of blaming your partner and raising your voice when you’re unhappy, keep your awareness on the parts of yourself that still need healing.
9. See Your Partner For Who He Or She Really Is
When you see the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to represent, the notion of them, that is when the romantic tragedy happens. You start to learn about your partner’s personality and how they alter and develop once you understand that, more often than not, you don’t really know them.
10. Use Relationships To Teach You How To Be Whole Within
Relationships are about being full and sharing your life with the other person, not about needing the other person to complete you. You learn to enjoy the differences in a partnership as much as the unity by letting go of the romantic ideal of fusing and becoming “one,” as Rainer Maria Rilke put it.