10 Ways to Rekindle the Passion in Your Marriage
A pursuer-distancer pattern that develops over time, in the opinion of specialists, is the most frequent cause for which couples lose their enthusiasm for one another and cease to be sexually intimate. Dr. Sue Johnson refers to the demand-withdraw pattern as the “Protest Polka” and claims that it is one of three “Demon Dialogues.” According to her, when one partner becomes critical and aggressive, the other frequently becomes aloof and protective. According to Dr. John Gottman’s studies on thousands of marriages, spouses who fall into this pattern early on in a marriage have a greater than 80% probability of divorcing within the first four to five years.
1. Allow tension to build
When we wait a while before receiving a reward, our brains feel more pleasure. Take your time during foreplay, exchange dreams, switch venues, and make sex more romantic as a result.
2. Make sex a priority
Before watching TV or going to work makes you lose interest in intimacy, create the mood. A light lunch, your favorite music, and a glass of wine can create an ideal environment for sex. Even if you are not the touchy-feely kind, developing physical affection and emotional sensitivity can support the maintenance of a strong, meaningful connection. The good news is that you can rekindle the spark you once experienced by allowing your partner to affect you. In fact, Dr. Gottman reminds us that friendship can serve as the glue that keeps a marriage together.
3. Vary the kind of sex you have
Have extremely erotic, loving-tender, intimate, and gentle sex. As your sexual requirements vary, shake up your routine and try something new.
4. Maintain a sense of curiosity about sexual intimacy
Play around with novel methods to make each other happy. Consider having sex with your spouse as a way to gradually get to know them better.
5. Practice being more emotionally vulnerable during sex
With your spouse, express your deepest aspirations, fantasies, and wants. Think about attending solo or couple’s counseling if you are uncomfortable with emotional intimacy.
6. Focus on affectionate touch
Give your lover a shoulder or back rub. Even if you are not a touchy-feely type, emotional touch may be a powerful technique to demonstrate and rekindle passion. Foreplay is typically associated with sexual activity.
7. Carve out time to spend with your partner
Explore a range of enjoyable activities for both of you. To arouse sexual desire and connection, enjoy courtship and practice flirting. Dr. Gottman claims that “everything positive you do in your relationship is foreplay.”
8. Separate sexual intimacy from routine
Set aside time for intimacy and refrain from discussing domestic tasks and marital issues in bed. When we’re worried and distracted, sexual arousal declines.
9. Hold hands more often
Holding hands, hugging, and other physical contact can produce oxytocin, which has a calming effect, according to author Dr. Kory Floyd. According to studies, it is also released during an orgasm. Physical affection also lowers stress hormone levels, including cortisol levels throughout the day.
10. Change your pattern of initiating sex
Perhaps you are rejecting your partner or being overly aggressive. Keep your opinions to yourself and put an end to the “blame game.” The power conflict can be resolved through upheaval. For instance, pursuers strive to find subtle ways to say to their spouse, “You’re sexy,” while avoiding criticism and demands for proximity. Distancers may want to practice initiating sex more frequently.